Horse or Bird - you decide

Patrick & I want to buy a new phone, but we disagree about which one to buy. We have narrowed it down to two choices.

The horse:

Or the bird:

In the name of domestic harmony, we have decided to throw the choice open to the forces of democracy. You choose: horse or bird. Vote on the poll opposite.*

Voting closes on Christmas Eve at midnight in some time zone or other.

*Terms and conditions may or may not apply. I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. Whatever, really. But I promise we will abide by the results, give or take availability in store, or domestic crisis, or my right to get really stroppy and stamp my feet if I don't get my own way.

The infamous Egyptian taxi driver.

I recently read a blog post written by a friend of Patrick’s sister, who lives and works in Libya. In it, she describes the traffic in Tripoli in all it’s terror-inspiring madness. You can read her blog post here.  The picture is all too familiar to us here in Alexandria, especially the bit about every journey feeling like a fairground ride, with the added dimension of possible death.

It is fair to say that most taxi drivers here (with a few honourable exceptions) are entirely mad – not so much as a screw loose, more like one single screw holding their sanity together.

However it is necessary to award them a certain degree of admiration for their death-defying antics. A particular favourite of mine is what we have termed the “Magician Manoeuvre.” In one hand he holds his mobile phone so he can update his wife that yes, he is still driving down Abu Qir Street, as he has been all day; in the other hand he waves a lit cigarette; with the other hand he adjusts the radio, and with the fourth hand he changes gear. In between calls to his wife he sings along to the radio, gesticulates at people trying to  cross the road, chats to his passengers or shouts greetings to fellow taxi drivers through the open window. Throughout the whole process he weaves constantly back and forth across 3 lanes of traffic, dodging cars, motorbikes, bicycles, pedestrians, traffic cops, horses, donkeys, fruit and veg handcarts, kids playing football, etc.

A skilled driver does not let such a minor thing as lanes interfere with his quest. He thinks nothing of nipping into the fast lane for 2 seconds to overtake a solitary car, before cutting back across 5 lanes of traffic to make a right turn.

Here’s a fun game: Taxi Tat Bingo. Last week we rode in a taxi with 4 sets of furry dice, 2 dangly Quranic verses, 3 pictures of his kids, a fake-fur dashboard cover with matching parcel shelf, a golden tissue box and 7 auxiliary mirrors. There was no air freshener or 4x4 sticker, or it would have been a full house.

The Overcharger. You know you’re going to be overcharged by a couple of subtle signs: the driver changes the music to Celine Dion or Whitney Houston, and tries to befriend you in a particular type of English used only in taxis, by touts at the pyramids, and by young men in Luxor.

Our strangest (and scariest) taxi ride happened a few weeks ago. A few minutes into the journey, the driver pulled over, said “two seconds” and disappeared, leaving the engine running. When he reappeared he was clutching something in a plastic bag. It turned out to be a can of beer, which he opened and polished off as we continued on our way (making all the manoeuvres described above). I shut my eyes and prayed… and thankfully the back streets were relatively empty. But we decided to get out of the taxi before we got to Big Scary Main Road, as for once it was less scary to cross six lanes of traffic on foot than with a drink-and-driver.

Anyway, onto those notable exceptions:

• Patrick's new best friend: one morning, Patrick forgot his bag, and had to get out of the taxi on the way to classes and go back for it. In his second taxi, the driver started chatting in Arabic. “Where are you from? Ah, England. Welcome to Egypt! We are very pleased you are here! Do you like Alexandria? Oh, good, I am very glad!...” etc etc. When they got to the language centre he refused payment, because he was so happy that Patrick was studying Arabic.

• The philosopher: a few days later our driver started speaking to us in English. At first (of course) we suspected that he might be an Overcharger, but no. It transpired that he studied philosophy at university, and we were treated to some choice (long) quotes from Bertrand Russell. Nothing like a bit of philosophising before breakfast.

• The good driver: we were privileged to experience Alexandria’s one good taxi driver  - possibly the only one who has actually taken driving lessons. He stopped at traffic lights (the only one doing so), did what the traffic police asked, stopped to let old ladies cross the road – and made sure other drivers did the same. He might be related to this guy here

Anyway, it turns out that driving carefully and respectfully is a much more effective way of earning a higher fare than regaling us with Misses Dion and Houston, or shaving 5 seconds off the journey time by cutting up 14 vehicles and a donkey in a diagonal screech across the wrong side of the road. We voluntarily paid this guy double for the joy and delight of arriving with our nerves intact. Now if only a few other taxi drivers would follow his example!!

Venice of the East

Winter has started with a bang – literally. On Saturday night an enormous clap of thunder split the sky right above the café where we were sitting, to the extent that we waited in silence for a few moments, expecting the building to fall down, or all known life to be destroyed by a nuclear blast.

A nice lady we chatted to in the café said she was very pleased that she had bought an umbrella on a trip to Manchester in the summer, as she knew it would be good enough to withstand the rain. (Incidentally, she also said that one of the things that impressed her most about England was the queuing. This is not something I have ever thought particularly characterised our nation, but yes, I agree with her – standing in line quietly, rather than joining a massive scrum and getting shunted around, is something I do miss!)

On Sunday morning on the way to Arabic classes, we faced an unexpected dilemma: a lake at the bottom of our road:

  

While we were waiting for a taxi the hailstones started:

This is Abu Qir Street, one of the city's main roads:

On our way home again, our taxi took to the water once more in a very unconvincing gondola impression:

 

There is some very watery footage on youtube too:

But fear not, my friends at home, once more in the grip of the ‘arctic chill’. The Egyptian winter seems to have thundered itself to a halt. Today (Tuesday) is sunny again, with temperatures pleasant for the rest of the week:

Drastic measures for combating homesickness #1

Missing the sub-zero temperatures and snow-covered wasteland of home?

Why not recreate the experience by defrosting the freezer and building a snowman out of the ice?

But remember: this will only be a brief experience, as your new friend will quickly succumb to the 20 degree air temperature ;-)

The weather (don't hate me)

Britain has apparently been plunged into a new ice age - at least judging by the facebook updates of most of my friends.

Meanwhile, Egypt is currently enjoying unseasonably warm temperatures. The days languish in the mid-twenties, while the nights never dip below the mid-teens. Nevertheless, the police have changed into their winter uniforms (black instead of white; long-sleeves instead of short; jackets and boots) which is the cue for everyone else to switch wardrobe too. Suddenly everyone is in long sleeves and jumpers, even coats. At night, kids are wrapped up in hats and scarves, and babies are swaddled in fleecy blankets. Fur-lined boots even make the odd appearance.

It's like the British summer - you know, when we insist on short-sleeves, sandals, cotton and linen, never mind that it's 4 degrees and raining.

Looking at everyone's snowy pictures, I felt a few pangs of jealousy yesterday. I love snow. I also like bundling up in winter clothes, the smell of cold air, and the lovely feeling of coming into a warm house afterwards. But then I looked out into our garden where the sun is shining through the palm trees, silhouetted against the blue sky, and decided that actually it's not so bad here after all. Like I said in the title, don't hate me!

View from our flat window

A few things.

I have been trying to write a serious, informative post about life in Alexandria.  So far I have four or five half-drafts saved, but I have given up on all of them because they are too boring.  So while I am teaching myself to write sensibly, here are a few less serious things which have caught my eye:

So near and yet so far: more menu items

It doesn't take much to go wrong in English (and to be fair it doesn't take much to keep me entertained.)

• Spaghetti polonaize (dancing noodles, anyone?)
• Fruit salad with wibed cream
• Transh Cake
• Cream Cramel
• Mongo juice

Sometimes things look like mistakes, but actually they aren't.  Here is a great example.

At first glance, I assumed this was a mistake: surely it should be "cake filled with raisins and coconut".  The ingredients also say "raisin" singular.  However, sure enough, the cake does just contain one lonely raisin:

 
Day one in our flat (back at the start of October)

Cleaning products that we bought on day one (just the start):

Please note the very important pair of rubber gloves in the middle of the picture.  These were VITALLY important in removing the following from a bathroom cupboard (click to read the text):

Things that remind me of Twickenham Rowing Club


It might look like a sheep on a stick, but actually the guy is selling bags of candy floss.  More importantly, they feature my two favourite colours.  "Twickenham Rowing Club, sponsored by cheap, sugary confectionary" - sounds good to me!

Here's a great rowing motto:

Just plain random

To make Cow Jam Tart - Desperate Dan's favourite dessert?

And finally...

Dear Lady...

Our landlord gave us a box of anti-cockroach tablets to put in all the cupboards.  Sadly they have not worked, however the instructions on the box almost make up for the continuing problem:

Important Instructions:

Dear lady , Put this Pills inside Kitchen Cupboard
without any fear of damages on your kitchen
equipments or your food
Dear Lady , the result of this Pills will show after
(24-72 Hours) and will be continue for Months
Dear Lady after getting rid completely of
the crawling insects,leave this pills at it is still
working for Months
Dear Lady , If you have Gaze Pipe at your Kitchen,
you should Put this Pills under the Gaze Pipe,
because it is the most preferable place
to the insects

Cats of Egypt

If you are a dog person, please just indulge me on this one... If you are a cat person, welcome to my world :-)

Egypt is full of cats.  We went for a run the other day and met a group of 14 cats lounging around together in the sunshine.  Two of them were practically fighting each other to get our attention.

This post is a panegyric to the many and varied cats we have met over the last two months.  I have photos of some, but others you will just have to take for granted that they were totally awesome and unimaginably cute.

1. Sneeze Cat
     Age: <1 year
     Location: Dahab (Penguin Restaurant)
     Distinguishing Features: Green plugs of snot crusting up each nostril.

Sneeze Cat was a pathetic creature.  He was slumped around the restaurant panting pathetically. His fur was a little torn in places, and his nose was blocked up with crusty green snot.  Naturally, animals like that love me, and he turned out to be rather disgustingly affectionate.

At some point Patrick idly pondered where cats in Dahab get their drinking water from.  (The town is between the Sinai desert and the Red Sea, and even the water that comes from the taps is salty.)  So I took the saucer from my tea cup and filled it with bottled water.  Sneeze Cat lapped it up.  I refilled the saucer.  Cat drank.  Saucer refilled...etc.  All in all, that cat drank probably half its body weight in water.  Soon its breathing had slowed to normal and it had perked up considerably.  Then...

*Aaaaaaaa-chooo!*

The earth's axis shifted.  The Red Sea may even have briefly parted.  An enormous plug of green snot shot out of Sneeze Cat's nose and attached itself to my leg.  Sneeze Cat looked surprised, breathed a little, miaowed his thanks and trotted off.

No photo, I'm afraid.  I was too busy wiping up snot.

2. Big Tabby
     Age: >5 years (Probably into his 70s in cat years.  An old-timer.)
     Location: Dahab (Al Shams Restaurant)
     Distinguishing Features: Wily cunning

There were lots of kittens in the restaurant begging for food.  Each table was provided with a water spray to ward them off if it got a bit too much.  Big Tabby paid no attention to the diners or the kittens.  He just slept soundly on a cushion next to me.  Then suddenly he shot across the room and grabbed a whole pita bread from under someone's nose, and disappeared under a table at the other end of the room.  No nonsense.  No begging.  Just showing those young uns how it's done!

No photo, he was too fast.

3. Ginger Daddy
     Age: 4 years (Middle-aged, experienced, definitely still got 'it')
     Location: Siwa Oasis (Palm Trees Hotel)
     Distinguishing Features: Narcolepsy; a 'trophy kitten' following him everywhere

This is a cat that knows a good lap when he sees one.  Near-impossible to displace once in situ.  'Trophy Kitten' trots around after him mewing pitifully.  He mostly ignores her in his quest for a good sleeping place.

4. The cross-eyed cat
     Age: 1 year
     Location: Siwa Oasis (Café)
     Distinguishing Features: crossed eyes

Doesn't do a lot apart from sit around looking pathetic.  Not very co-ordinated!

5. Lame Cat
     Age: <1 year
     Location: Alexandria (Café near Swiss Canal Hotel)
     Distinguishing Features: pronounced limp

Lame Cat... how can I describe Lame Cat, other than awesomely cute.  The dumb look on my face says it all really.  Lame Cat had me entranced. We went to this café every day for a fortnight just to see Lame Cat.  Unfortunately one of the waiters didn't really like me being there so we stopped going.  I still miss Lame Cat :-(

6. Rafters Cat

     Age: 2 years
     Location: Alexandria (Swiss Canal Hotel)
     Distinuishing Features: Enormous wriggling belly

I have never seen such a pregnant cat.  I could feel her belly wriggling with kittens.  We called her Rafters Cat because Patrick had a dream that she was sitting on the rafters of our hotel room.  Then he woke up and was very confused to find that there were no rafters.  We were quite disappointed to leave the hotel before the advent of Rafters Kittens.

No photo, bizarrely!

7. On the seafront in Alexandria.


I'm a Tiger, look, it says so right here:

Awwww!

 

8. Fisherman's Friend

There are lots of fishermen along the Corniche (which is the name for the seafront).  Most of them have a faithful feline companion waiting patiently alongside.  Preferably sheltered from the spray, and letting someone else do all the hard work!

9. It's all in the eyes

There is a fluffy white cat in our building.  Last week she spotted Patrick and immediately ran towards him, miaowing and purring, and then followed him home. 

He noticed that, like him, she has one blue eye and one brown eye, and assumed this is why she liked him so much. Last night we saw her sitting outside with the doorman, and he said "look, she has the same eyes as me" and sure enough, he has one blue and one brown eye too!

10.  Sporting Cats

The following  are some of the reasons why we are now training for a sub-6 hour instead of sub-4 hour marathon.  It is impossible to keep running for more than about 10 minutes!

Do I really have to go back to England in 10 months time?!  Can't I stay here and adopt 17 cats?!!!!

Cairo - life from a tourist's perspective

Miaow!

Running round the Pyramids

We visited Cairo this weekend to take part in the 2nd annual Race for the Cure in aid of the Breast Cancer Foundation of Egypt. 

Saturday started at a time of day that I haven’t seen since my last weekend rowing training back in June.   Our hotel offered to get us a one-way taxi to the pyramids site for 90LE.  We declined and took the metro part of the way (1LE each) and then a minibus the rest of the way (2.5LE each).  Much more fun!

The race was the craziest event I have ever been privileged to take part in.  The pyramids were open as normal, i.e. Giza Plateau was full of tourists, tourist buses, private vehicles, camels, horses, souvenir stands, etc.  Add to this 9,000 runners and intermittent organisation and you’ll have some idea.  

The race began at the panorama point overlooking the three pyramids.  Here I am, waiting for the race to start:

The route followed the road down past each of the pyramids to finish at the biggest, after which everyone walked the remainder of the road down to the Sphinx where there was food and entertainment.

The start of the race (over the tannoy) went something like this:

9:30: “OK, we have EXACTLY five minutes to go…”

9:45: “Five minutes left, everyone.  We’re just fixing some problems.

9:55: “OK, just five more minutes while we clear the tourist buses from the road.”

[absolutely no sign of the stream of buses abating]

10:05: “This is it!  Countdown!  Thirty!  Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight! Twenty-sev…WAIT, NO, NOT YET, NOT YET!!!!”

And a bunch of people set off, followed by the other 8,000 and something.

Here is the start of the race:

We walked, trotted, dodged and occasionally ran our way down the road from the smallest pyramid to the largest.  The road was full of buses driving up the other way.  There were also a few people on camel back joining in the fun.  Neither of us could stop laughing all the way down.  It was well worth the effort of coming to Cairo!

Crotch Fur, and other delicacies

So last week we went to the British Consulate and discussed Crotch Fur with a nice lady from the embassy in Cairo. Not the typical conversation you'd expect over coffee and cakes, but hey...

Anyway, apparently this was a menu item she once saw in Malaysia, whilst dining out with her mother-in-law, along with "vegetables, pulpily pulpily grown."  I love these crazy translations, or spelling mistakes, or sometimes just utterly made up words.  In India I saw a "humburger" on one menu which pretty much described the meat in that restaurant.  If that wasn't tempting there was always the option of a "paper streak" (which I think was their version of a pepper steak.)  If anyone can enlighten me what "egg on a plate, raw wishing" might be (seen in Budapest) I'd be very grateful!

So naturally I have been making a list of such fabulous delicacies we have seen since arriving in Egypt, and here is a sample of my favourites so far:

Selections from "Abu Ghraib" restaurant:
- soap with chicken lever (I might try and illustrate this one)
- macaroni in haven
- bowl of soup with cows legs (We really wanted to order this, but it would have been so disappointing if it didn't arrive with whole cow legs sticking out of the bowl)
- lenition soup
- loaf of stuffed vina
- today jarret (this is my absolute favourite.  We have no idea what it means.  The word in Arabic was something entirely different that isn't in the dictionary.  I am currently using "jarret" to describe the type of cooking I do when I'm using up random leftovers from the fridge, such as the "oinksaka" that we had the week before we came to Egypt.  Anyway, back to the list.)

Selections from Marcuous Cafe
- Pizza Barcelona (4 peace): part chicks, bstrmp part, part of minced, part of sausage (yes, that was bstrmp, not a typo on my part, those exact letters)
- Each additional component of the vegetable 5LE
- Each component of meat 7LE
- Each additional component of the marine species 9LE (good use of a dictionary there)
- Kind of fish: shrimp, tuna, clemery, crab, oncojp (I'm guessing calimari for clemery, no clue for 'oncojp')
- Season juice: watermelon, peach, apricot, quintalob, Tin wire (The Arabic for 'quintalob' was 'Cantaloup', but there was no translation for 'Tin wire')
- Browns with ice (ewww)

- Builder chicks (this is a type of sandwich, dontcha know)
- Hamburger pillow
- Hamburger Paljbnp and white
- Sbit builder or roasted (I kept mis-reading that first word)
- Ice Late
- Medical Li Hookah
- Melliferous Hookah (words fail me... I wouldn't let Patrick order this one though!)

I'll keep collecting.......

Re-connected!

Finally, we have an internet connection at home!  I have been using the wireless connection at the language centre on my phone for the last couple of weeks - useful, but not very convenient.

So here's a quick update:

• we have moved into our new flat!
• we have radically reduced the cockroach population of the kitchen, which has taken many bottles of disinfectant, spray, powder, sanity, a lot of tears, a small amount of standing on kitchen chairs and shrieking, a new hoover, and a lot of energy!
• Arabic classes have been going for a couple of weeks.  It has been a bit up and down, as to start with we were in a big class that was revising stuff I did about 3 years ago, but now we are having our lessons privately so things are going a lot quicker. 
• The doorman of our building has a very friendly cat :-)

Much more to follow in a longer update, but for now I'll leave you with this warning, printed on the extension cable (a.k.a. "Displacement Function Electrical Outlet") that Patrick bought today:

"When use please anp the power source the rope to untle"

So there.

The story so far...

Well, we have been in Egypt 4 weeks today, and I have been writing a very successful "head-blog" about all our activities so far.  Blogging in your head is much easier and in many ways more satisfactory than bothering to write it all down, and you are guaranteed 100% positive feedback.  However it does mean people still keep asking me what we have been up to, so here goes...(and trust me, it was a lot more exciting, witty and entertaining when it was just in my head!)

We flew to Sharm el Sheikh on 28 August, and took a taxi straight to the town of Dahab, which is about 100km north of Sharm el Sheikh, in the south of the Sinai peninsula, on the Red Sea.  It is a peaceful, fabulous seaside town, with relaxing restaurants on the water's edge and coral reef right by.  We planned to spend 2 days (recovery time after the insanity of packing up the house!) but ended up staying an extra 3 days.

This meant that we had plenty of time to catch up with Amy Pritchard (former colleague of mine from NHS Richmond) who moved to Dahab in April to set up a yoga camp - the rather lovely El Salam Camp & Yoga Shala.  They have evening yoga classes 4 times a week, and they have monthly 10 day retreats planned - hopefully I'll get a chance to attend one over the next year!

Finally we forced ourselves to leave, and arrived in Alexandria by 10-hour taxi ride through the night. This took us via Cairo, where we drove past Giza, and Patrick got to see the pyramids for the first time.

We spent the next 2 weeks in the Swiss Canal hotel.  (It took us a while to work out that if you write "Swiss" and "Suez" in Arabic they look basically the same...)  During this time I spent a lot of time revising from "Al Kitab", the Arabic book we'll be using for classes, Patrick spent a lot of time setting up his mobile broadband connection and working, we found a flat (though we can't move into it till 1 October), had various adventures in Arabic (ordering food, buying a loo brush, ordering food, buying bus tickets, ordering food, ordering drinks, ordering food...)

Since classes didn't start till 26 September, and the flat wasn't available yet, we decided to go to Siwa Oasis for a week.  I visited Siwa for a week in 2003 and it is one of my favourite places in the whole world.  Siwa deserves a post of its own, so more on that later!

Now we are back in Alexandria, staying in a different hotel, in a 'deluxe' room with the most incredible view of the harbour.  We have successfully extended our visas for an additional 6 months.  (Patrick is going to write a special post about the bureaucracy involved!)  Arabic classes start tomorrow, and all's well with the world, insh'allah!